A Melbourne influencer has created a public controversy this week following her announcement on Instagram that she spent $45,000 on gender selection treatment in the United States. 

Nine News reported,

“A Melbourne influencer has publicly defended her decision to go public with her choice to fly to the US to select her baby’s sex.

Caitlyn Bailey, who has two boys and a girl, flew to the US and paid $45,000 to ensure her next pregnancy, conceived through IVF, would be another girl.

The single mum has a following of more than 60,000 users on Instagram and uses her platform to promote her lifestyle and parenting journey.

‘”I chose to share my story and my journey purely because I thought if there’s people out there that it could potentially help and not feel so alone, that’s why I shared it.’

“I didn’t share it to start online arguments or have you know troll conversations, it’s just, it makes me feel sick to my stomach to think about the negative side of things, I’m all about positivity.”’

What are we to make of this woman’s choice? If there is no moral dilemma, then why has her personal decision created such public consternation? 

To say that our society is confused about the unborn is an understatement.  A child in the womb at 8 weeks brings excitement and joy to one mother and despondency or disappointment to another, and a child’s life is measured by the woman’s inclination and decision. Gender selection is illegal in Australia, and yet if the mother waits a matter of weeks, the child can be aborted; delayed gender selection.

We know more about pregnancy today than ever. Through science and technology, our knowledge of little ones and from the earliest moments of life is staggering.  Whether it is seeing the first heartbeat at 6 weeks or the baby moving to music at 16 weeks; the old trope that he or she is nothing more than a ‘clump of cells’ can no longer be sustained. And yet, the fight for abortion rights is as loud as it has ever been.

While our society is confused about the value of the unborn, this Melbourne influencer is at least trying to be consistent. If carrying through with a pregnancy is the woman’s choice, why is it unethical for her to have that choice taken from her so early in the process and not later on? Is there something about the gender of a child that is outside the woman’s authority?  I happen to think this mother’s actions are appalling, but is she not simply following through with the logic routinely applied to how we view the unborn? Yes she is, and yet her choice sits uncomfortably; we know intuitively that choosing the gender of your child is unethical and unloving and more. 

Sometimes this is known as ‘designer babies’. Let’s use the older word, eugenics. And that word should cause us to shudder.  And maybe that’s one reason why the consciences of many Melbournians has been pricked by this particular news story.

One reason why gender selection is outlawed in many countries is because it would lead to the mass killing of girls. Prejudice against females is as modern an issue as it was an ancient one. Modern technology gives license to patriarchal societies to eliminate unwanted girls and to preference boys as the eldest or only child. The method may have changed, but there is little moral distinction between these practices and what the Ancient Romans did when unwanted girls were born. 

One of the facts that the influencer doesn’t speak to is what happens to all the embryos that don’t fit her preferred child. The typical IVF process creates multiple embryos (it doesn’t have to be done this way), and those that are male are either discarded straight away or are frozen and probably discarded later on. It’s not just a matter of choosing the gender of your child, but letting die those with the wrong gender. 

The incongruity of our view of the unborn is further displayed in that this IVF procedure is known as ‘gender selection’. But aren’t we told with absolute authority that gender is not determined by biology but is about personal preference and social conditioning? It’s interesting to see how language shifts when it suits.  Of course, divorcing gender from sex is a furphy and just occasionally, like today, we are reminded that this is the case.

The larger point that this case has exposed is that the argument,  ‘it’s the ‘mother’s choice’ doesn’t wash when it comes to gender selection. This point is important because we are admitting that even as an embryo this life has a dignity and value already separate to that of the mother. 

There are a range of emotions and expectations surrounding pregnancy: joy and fear, love and nerves. The child however is not the sum of these emotions and expectations. Every baby is a gift, whether they are a boy or a girl. Should it so matter to parents that they can assume a right to choose or dispose of a child because of their gender? Gender selection is immoral and I’m grateful it’s illegal in Australia. This law is one of those little reminders that pierce through our incongruous age.

Every child is a little miracle and deserves every chance at life and to be loved. A parent may forget, although I suspect many do not when their conscience kicks into gear, but these little ones are not forgotten by God. They are loved and welcomed by God.

We have become rather effective at playing God with children. How different does the ancient Psalm depict the worth of the child, those who are wanted and those unwanted, 

“For you created my inmost being;

    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

    when I was made in the secret place,

    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.” (Psalm 139:13-16)

I’m aware that any time I write about an issue such as this, there will be readers who have in the past made decisions regarding their unborn child that they know were wrong and to this day the decision haunts them. The God of the Bible shows us that he can outdo with good our worst decisions. Our wrong choices, don’t curb God’s commitment to see life win. And as the Gospel of Jesus shows us, His grace and mercy is able to forgive and heal the deepest shame and guilt. That’s the thing with our society’s doublespeak, we need to be told that we’ve done nothing wrong and yet there’s a part of us that knows otherwise. 

One final word, the woman has expressed her fears of trolls. Trolling is not acceptable. Trolling masquerades as righteousness but it’s a little more a cowards way of venting and causing others to fear.  It’s not the way to respond to this story or to any. Don’t be a tool. Offer a comment or critique and sign your real name to it.